Dodging Bullets, Stealing Guns and Reversing Death - Time Manipulation in Gaming

The winner of this year's 7 Day FPS Challenge hosted by Steam is a tech demo called SuperHot. SuperHot takes place in a strange, Art Deco world where faceless people try to kill you. The premise is interesting enough even before it's novel game mechanic is explained in big, white letters at the start of the game: "Time Moves When You Move". SuperHot's brilliant use of time manipulation is the latest in a long line of games. Here, in chronological order, are five of the most important ones:

  

Gone Home Is Pedestrian

 Video games are great aren't they? You put the cartridge/CD/DVD/download from steam and boot up your game-playing machine and while away as much time as you like shooting baddies/slaloming/pointing and clicking your woes to oblivion. There's some people who think this isn't enough, though. They think games approached in an unorthodox way could give users a completely new experience. They feel that this new experience would provide something different from film, books or television. Gone Home has been lauded by some as this new kind of game.

Nostalgia for the 1980s

Off the top of your head, what’s a quintessentially 1980s film? Using the powers of the Internet, it can be determined that every single one of you has answered Robocop. The 1987 film was both a popular and cult classic, nominated for and followed up with sequels and TV adaptions. But that was a 1980s audience which is less developed than we are today. Audiences today probably want something thought-provoking, like Elysium or Riddick, right? Apparently not, if the new trailer for the Robocop reboot’s anything to go off. And it’s not just Robocop that’s getting a revival: Evil Dead, Miami Vice, GI Joe, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career – the same things are repeating themselves. How’s this happened?

6 Extraordinary Reasons Why J.K Rowling Is Writing Harry Potter Again

Yesterday, J.K. Rowling announced that there would be a spin-off to the Harry Potter series. It will be a film based on an earlier spin-off book, Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. This new endeavour comes after two failed attempts at non-Harry Potter material. Her first experiment, The Casual Vacancy, was panned by critics. Rowling then wrote a detective novel under a pseudonym which was rejected by publishers and then sold poorly until it was leaked she had written the book.

Many may say that Rowling is only revisiting Harry Potter due to the lack of success she has had in her other projects. In true SpontaneousWriting style, though, here are 6 outlandish reasons which would explain the turn of events:

Mark Wahlberg - Bad Actor or Bad at Picking Films?

The frenzy surrounding a flippant remark Mark Wahlberg made about wanting to play Iron Man has safely died down after only one short month. While the public was blinded with rage, it could be forgiven for ignoring the two films he had released: 2 Guns and Pain and Gain. According to reviewers, these two films are actually pretty good. This must come as quite a relief to Mark as he’s not always the best at picking films. On the one hand, Wahlberg has critically acclaimed work (Boogie Nights, The Fighter) but on the other, he has some giant flops (Max Payne, Planet of the Apes). How is it that Mark Wahlberg can pick up an Academy Award nomination one year and a Razzie the next?

What Would We Do Without The Internet?

It’s been a worrisome week for the Internet. Last Sunday, Google went down for five minutes and 40% of internet traffic upped and disappeared. A day later, the same thing happened to Amazon. In the forty minutes it took their tech staff to get the website up and running again, the company had lost $40 million dollars. It seems that the future of technology isn't as rosy as we're led to believe.

Al Gore warned us against relying on machines in America's foremost educational cartoon: Futurama. He said that we could only stretch the goodwill of the Internet so far before it turned on us. Instead of listening to him, we torrented David Hasselhoff's entire discography and frivolously bought a Starship Enterprise pizza cutter. When the robots decide they've had enough and pull the plug we'll regret all the data we've wasted.

Riddle Me This And Riddle Me That: Did You Hear That Ben Affleck is Playing The Bat? (Batman)

It was announced today that Ben Affleck has been chosen to play Batman in the currently untitled sequel to Man of Steel. There has been a mixed reception to this, with the negative commentors understandably having PTSD-type flashbacks to Affleck's 2003 film, Daredevil. Nevertheless, Ben's been cast and he now stands alongside a long line of other actors who have played the Caped Crusader. While we can’t know for sure in which direction Affleck will take the role, we can look to the previous actors who have played Batman to get some hints.

The Incredible Adventures of the Amazing Dick Van Dyke

Monday began as just another day for beloved US actor and one-time Cockney chimneysweep Dick Van Dyke (DVD). Out driving to a dentist’s appointment, he parked up on the shoulder of a freeway to make a phone call. However, unbeknownst to him, his car had caught on fire. Off-duty emergency servicemen, who just happened to be passing, rushed over to the blazing car. They dragged the unsuspecting DVD out. After coming to his senses, after what must have been a very confusing situation for any man to be in, Van Dyke did what anyone in the business of show would do: he took a photo of the incident. Dick then swiftly tweeted an image of his burnt-out car with the caption “Used Jag for sale REAL CHEAP!!!”. DVD later said he was lucky to have so many off-duty servicemen around and that “someone must be looking out for <him>”.

Are All The Beautiful People Going To Go Into Hiding?

A few short months ago, three men were kicked out of  Saudi Arabia for being too beautiful. Other than one of the men becoming a bit of an Internet sensation for a while it all died down.  In general, the rest of us laughed it off as a bizarre story. However, the same thing's happened again in Iran.  A candidate for city councillor has been barred from taking up her position because she looked too much like a model.

Perhaps these news stories highlight corrupt, patriarchal systems. Aging men, drunk on their on power (some might say), are purposely making evil decisions in order to keep their ill-gotten positions and keep the populace feeling insecure. But, honestly, that all sounds too much like serious, hard-hitting journalism to me and we'll not have that kind of nonsense in here. No, the real reason is both a lot simpler and increasingly more sinister.

5 Roles Mark Wahlberg Could Play Other Than Iron Man

Recently, Mark Wahlberg had an interview with Yahoo!Movies. In it, he said that he wouldn’t mind having the role of Iron Man when Robert Downey Jr. steps down. True to form, the unbalanced people of the Internet weighed in with their learned opinion that, if this happened, the world as we know it would stop – riots would take place, hospitals would be burnt down and cannibalism would ensue.

In the pursuit of geekdom, allow me to present some other, more volatile roles that Mark Wahlberg could play:

Mark Wahlberg Wants To Play Iron Man? Really?

Recently, Mark Wahlberg claimed in an interview with YahooMovies! that he would like to take over the role of Iron Man once Robert Downey Jr. stepped down. The response to this can best be described as “strained”. Some people were adamant that Wahlberg couldn’t play Iron Man “just ‘cause”, while others went so far as to say that only Downey Jr. could ever, ever in a million billion years, play the armoured superhero. But what actually happened?

Why Macklemore Isn't All He's Cracked Up To Be

Why does anyone listen to the rapper Macklemore? It can’t be for his music, because, although his 2009 song “Thrift Shop” reached the top of the iTunes Charts, his music is terrible. It must be because he looks like Vanilla Ice – which is such a shame because The Ice Man’s Greatest Hits album is being sold for under a tenner online. For some reason, The Internet has taken Macklemore under its moneymaking wing. But, just like everything else that’s popular on the web, (e.g. picture of cats) Macklemore just isn’t all he’s cracked up to be.

The Simpsons: After 25 Years It's Time To Let It Die

Is anyone truly happy about the news that The Simpsons will be making a new season? After 24 years and over 500 episodes, The Simpsons is nothing more than a big, bloated mess. It’s the cartoon equivalent of a beached whale and, just like a beached whale, our only option is to unpack the dynamite and get to a safe distance.

In What Direction Will Peter Capaldi Take Doctor Who?

The date 4 August 2013 will be emblazoned into our collective minds.  "Where were you when Peter Capaldi was chosen to be the Doctor?" people will ask. Truly, has there been a moment in history looked forward to more by the populace? Other than, maybe, the last time a new actor was chosen for Doctor Who, that is. A TV special was even aired just to agonisingly prolong the momentous occasion. After tuning out Zoe Ball and the instant fan reactions (from incredulous, to celebratory, to downright creepy), this recent announcement does make you wonder in what direction the show will take in the future.

Should The Next Doctor Be A Woman?

Viewers of Doctor Who have speculated who would replace Matt Smith since the very day he was picked to play the Doctor. Now that their wish has finally come true and he is really leaving, their imaginations are running wild. In its 50 years on air, Doctor Who has always been played by a man. While some boil the argument down to ‘It’s the Doctor, not the Doct-her”, several people, including Helen Mirren, and Tom Baker believe a female Doctor is what the public wants and is ready for. So what, if anything, is standing in the way of an actress being chosen for the role?

Community Can Survive Without Donald Glover

Two days ago, Community cast member Donald Glover was reputed to be appearing in only 5 of the future season’s 17 episodes. It’s said that it’s in order to focus on his music career. Shortly afterwards, a palpable cry of “Oh, Lord, the end is nigh!” arose from the Community fanbase, as it so often does. Some fans think this news will open the door to other cast members leaving, while others – with the certainty of Rapturists – say that the show is definitely going to be cancelled this time. So, are Community fans right to be paranoid? Is it the beginning of the end for the show?

Superman Review: Man of Steel (SPOILERS)

Is it safe to come out yet? Phew, that was a bit touch and go there for a while, wasn’t it? Yes, the release of Man of Steel was not the event that we all expected to be it. Not in the real world, of course, where it grossed in excesses of $500 million and was received quite well by reviewers and critics. But, on the Internet, things are different. There, you can have more money than God and it won’t matter a bit if you’ve changed the source material. People were, therefore, very mad. However, considering that the storm surrounding the film seems to have just about died down, it seems as good a time as any to talk about Man of Steel. Was it really all as bad as great swathes of the Internet claimed? Or was it actually a good film?

Musing on Superman: Man of Steel

Whatever you want to say about the new Superman film, it was far superior to that one where he fought the manicured Superman clone.

 

(Yeah, this guy.)  

 Featured Image: Warner Bros. (Quest for Peace)

Re: My Man of Steel Article (24.4.13)

In answer to my first Man of Steel article: does this new film feel like a Superman film?

Yes.

So, on that count, it’s a roaring success. Hooray! Just a shame that the film didn't match up in so many other ways. Oh, well, there’s always Man of Steel 2, right?

Featured Image: Warner Bros.

Is Peter Jackson Turning Into George Lucas?

Film-makers never get a break, do they? They spend years struggling in obscurity to improve their craft and gain some kind of recognition but, when notoriety finally comes, what happens? Well, admittedly, bags of money and simpering adulation. But after that they’re only ever a Jar-Jar Binks action figure away from ruining everything. Recently, people have worried this might be happening to Peter Jackson after the first part of the Hobbit trilogy was released. Oh, sure, it made lots of money but all the CGI and vomiting gave some people horrible, PTSD-induced flashbacks where the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi repeatedly said “I have a bad feeling about this..”. So, are people right to be worried? Could Peter Jackson be on the road to flannel shirts and a bad 1950s quiff?

Whatever Happened To M Night Shyamalan?

 

In 1999, M. Night Shyamalan was a rising star. He was Spielberg without the beard, he was Hitchcock without the hatred for all mankind. Shyamalan couldn’t walk down the street without receiving nominations, awards and random hugs from passing strangers. But 14 years later and his new release, After Earth, is his lowest box office return yet ($26 million for a $156 million dollar budget). It’s alleged that the industry has so little trust in him that his involvement in the film was “downplayed” (read: removed entirely). What causes a thinly-veiled 2-hour-long Scientology training video to distance itself from its director? How did he become box office poison?

Star Wars TV Show? What Can We Expect?

Live action Star Wars television is no new thing. Back in the 80s, there were the Ewok television specials which chronicled the inexplicable adventures of some Ewoks and some human children. Droves of people tuned in each week to figure out the central mystery: who was creepier, the Ewoks or the children? It was after the release of the last Star Wars prequel, Revenge of the Sith, that we started hearing rumours of a new Star Wars television series. This made sense because, if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that George Lucas never misses an opportunity to make a profit/please his fans.  

The Terrifying World Of Drones

Drones – they’re terrifying, aren’t they? Little remote-controlled aircraft flying about the place, blowing stuff up, watching things… There could be a drone watching you right now!

Drones strike terror into the hearts of people but they couldn’t have had more whimsical beginnings. The first drone creators were dreamers, the sort of men who looked at air balloons and thought: “Hey, you know what’d be better than flying in this thing? Strapping bombs to it and sending it at people!” Which is exactly what they did. Of course, the problem with that was that it was an air balloon. A gust of wind or a man with a particularly long prodding stick sent it hurtling back to base, right on the heads of its unfortunate creators.

Star Trek vs Star Trek

Star Trek Into Darkness is out this week and… What? People are actually looking forward to it?? Praise Rodenberry, it’s a Star Trek miracle! It’s not an exaggeration to say there hasn’t been much interest in a Star Trek film, since, well, the one where the crew had to rescue the whales. Since the sea mammals, the Original Series had a break in interest for about twenty or thirty years and then J. J Abrams picked it up to give the crew a new lease of life.

Are You A Beautiful Man? Don't Go To Saudia Arabia!

Right Said Fred was too sexy for his shirt and no one batted an eyelid. Now, three men have been told that they are too sexy for a whole country and Saudi Arabia has evicted them.

Local newspapers have reported that the men were delegates from the United Arab Emirates and attending a cultural festival in Saudia Arabia when they were first spotted.  Officers from the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice decided that the men would be too distracting for the women in attendance so did what any sane person would do when faced with a dilemma like this - promptly evicted them.

In Response to the Man of Steel Haters: Calm Down. It’s Not Even Out Yet

It’s been two years since news of a new Superman film emerged and the Internet had another of its little meltdowns. What caused it this time, exactly? Just the identities of the film’s director and producer: Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) and Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception). These fans weren’t simply outraged but pro-active, too. Articles, videos and whole blogs (one cheerfully alliterative, “Snyder’s Superman Sucks”) sprang up overnight to denounce this film. However, if you wade through the frothing rage, you find their central issue: this Superman isn’t faithful.