Monday began as just another day for beloved US actor and one-time Cockney chimneysweep Dick Van Dyke (DVD). Out driving to a dentist’s appointment, he parked up on the shoulder of a freeway to make a phone call. However, unbeknownst to him, his car had caught on fire. Off-duty emergency servicemen, who just happened to be passing, rushed over to the blazing car. They dragged the unsuspecting DVD out. After coming to his senses, after what must have been a very confusing situation for any man to be in, Van Dyke did what anyone in the business of show would do: he took a photo of the incident. Dick then swiftly tweeted an image of his burnt-out car with the caption “Used Jag for sale REAL CHEAP!!!”. DVD later said he was lucky to have so many off-duty servicemen around and that “someone must be looking out for <him>”.
Curiously, this isn’t the first time that DVD has been in a bizarre and life-threatening situation. Last year, he happened to fall asleep while out surfing at his local beach. Awakening hours later, he found that the land had completely disappeared and, with no idea where he was, the situation looked pretty hopeless. Moments later, fins began to circle his surfboard and he decided that things had got even worse. Somehow, everything was okay as it turned out that the fins actually belonged to a band of friendly porpoises. These happy crusaders of the sea took it upon themselves to push the stranded DVD back to land.
These stories leave us with more questions than answers. For instance, how is it that Van Dyke, a man who obviously has the mental acuity to use and operate a mobile phone, doesn't notice when his car is on fire? And, are porpoises really famed for leading the elderly back to dry land? Are these situations that commonly happen to people?
I've formulated a theory from the evidence I can get my hands on, but it does seem a little farfetched. Dick spoke of a certain "someone" watching over him during his strange escapes - he's obviously made a deal with a powerful being. For some reason, he's exchanged something important for the ability to be able to tell a lot of little anecdotes at dinner parties and interviews. It seems, though, that DVD wants to regale people with more incredible tales so he's taking on bigger risks. The picture he sent to Twitter only moments after his latest episode shows him to be getting a little too cocky. I'm on to you, Van Dyke!
On second thoughts, that sounds ridiculous and I apologise for accusing DVD of dabbling in the occult. Obviously, the simplest answer is that he has superheroes for close acquaintances. A daring rescue from a burning car, a band of sea creatures helping you back to your home - doesn't that sound like the work of the Justice League? It’s the only reasonable explanation. Well done, for keeping the superheroes' identities secret all this time, Mr Van Dyke! He's the true hero.
Featured Image: latinheat.com
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