A few short months ago, three men were kicked out of Saudi Arabia for being too beautiful. Other than one of the men becoming a bit of an Internet sensation for a while it all died down. In general, the rest of us laughed it off as a bizarre story. However, the same thing's happened again in Iran. A candidate for city councillor has been barred from taking up her position because she looked too much like a model.
Perhaps these news stories highlight corrupt, patriarchal systems. Aging men, drunk on their on power (some might say), are purposely making evil decisions in order to keep their ill-gotten positions and keep the populace feeling insecure. But, honestly, that all sounds too much like serious, hard-hitting journalism to me and we'll not have that kind of nonsense in here. No, the real reason is both a lot simpler and increasingly more sinister.
The truth is that there’s a conspiracy in the Middle East to get rid of all the beautiful people. "Why?" the sceptic in you may be asking, "..what have the beautiful people ever done?". What haven’t they done! Time and time again, a homely person has been pushed out of the spotlight for an undeserving, untalented, but undeniably beautiful person. Attractive people are notorious for charming their way into plain people's homes, as well; and when the beautiful have an ugly's base, they will eventually usurp power and turn families against families, all for their diabolic pleasure. We all know this. Well, this will happen no longer! The grotesque have finally taken a stand in the Middle East. They have obviously banded together to get rid of the appealing in society once and for all.
Don’t think it’ll stay confined to the Middle East, either. This is just the first stage of their maniacal plot. One day, in the not too distant future, you may find yourself being forcibly removed from a café for being “too visually pleasing”. You’ll go to work and find out that you’ve been fired because your "face is delightfully symmetrical" or you're “just too exquisite to work here”. It may be in a week, a month or a few years from now but it will happen.
Before you scoff and close this page, ask yourself something: do you know a normal-looking man at work? Have you noticed a hard-featured person watching you on the bus? Maybe you have an uncomely family member? You'd better mark my words and keep an eye on them - they might just be plotting your downfall. Just don’t come crying to me when it happens – you were warned.
Featured Image: Zoolander, Paramount Pictures
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