6 Extraordinary Reasons Why J.K Rowling Is Writing Harry Potter Again

Yesterday, J.K. Rowling announced that there would be a spin-off to the Harry Potter series. It will be a film based on an earlier spin-off book, Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. This new endeavour comes after two failed attempts at non-Harry Potter material. Her first experiment, The Casual Vacancy, was panned by critics. Rowling then wrote a detective novel under a pseudonym which was rejected by publishers and then sold poorly until it was leaked she had written the book.

Many may say that Rowling is only revisiting Harry Potter due to the lack of success she has had in her other projects. In true SpontaneousWriting style, though, here are 6 outlandish reasons which would explain the turn of events:

The Incredible Adventures of the Amazing Dick Van Dyke

Monday began as just another day for beloved US actor and one-time Cockney chimneysweep Dick Van Dyke (DVD). Out driving to a dentist’s appointment, he parked up on the shoulder of a freeway to make a phone call. However, unbeknownst to him, his car had caught on fire. Off-duty emergency servicemen, who just happened to be passing, rushed over to the blazing car. They dragged the unsuspecting DVD out. After coming to his senses, after what must have been a very confusing situation for any man to be in, Van Dyke did what anyone in the business of show would do: he took a photo of the incident. Dick then swiftly tweeted an image of his burnt-out car with the caption “Used Jag for sale REAL CHEAP!!!”. DVD later said he was lucky to have so many off-duty servicemen around and that “someone must be looking out for <him>”.

Are All The Beautiful People Going To Go Into Hiding?

A few short months ago, three men were kicked out of  Saudi Arabia for being too beautiful. Other than one of the men becoming a bit of an Internet sensation for a while it all died down.  In general, the rest of us laughed it off as a bizarre story. However, the same thing's happened again in Iran.  A candidate for city councillor has been barred from taking up her position because she looked too much like a model.

Perhaps these news stories highlight corrupt, patriarchal systems. Aging men, drunk on their on power (some might say), are purposely making evil decisions in order to keep their ill-gotten positions and keep the populace feeling insecure. But, honestly, that all sounds too much like serious, hard-hitting journalism to me and we'll not have that kind of nonsense in here. No, the real reason is both a lot simpler and increasingly more sinister.

The Terrifying World Of Drones

Drones – they’re terrifying, aren’t they? Little remote-controlled aircraft flying about the place, blowing stuff up, watching things… There could be a drone watching you right now!

Drones strike terror into the hearts of people but they couldn’t have had more whimsical beginnings. The first drone creators were dreamers, the sort of men who looked at air balloons and thought: “Hey, you know what’d be better than flying in this thing? Strapping bombs to it and sending it at people!” Which is exactly what they did. Of course, the problem with that was that it was an air balloon. A gust of wind or a man with a particularly long prodding stick sent it hurtling back to base, right on the heads of its unfortunate creators.

Are You A Beautiful Man? Don't Go To Saudia Arabia!

Right Said Fred was too sexy for his shirt and no one batted an eyelid. Now, three men have been told that they are too sexy for a whole country and Saudi Arabia has evicted them.

Local newspapers have reported that the men were delegates from the United Arab Emirates and attending a cultural festival in Saudia Arabia when they were first spotted.  Officers from the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice decided that the men would be too distracting for the women in attendance so did what any sane person would do when faced with a dilemma like this - promptly evicted them.