Recently, Mark Wahlberg had an interview with Yahoo!Movies. In it, he said that he wouldn’t mind having the role of Iron Man when Robert Downey Jr. steps down. True to form, the unbalanced people of the Internet weighed in with their learned opinion that, if this happened, the world as we know it would stop – riots would take place, hospitals would be burnt down and cannibalism would ensue.
In the pursuit of geekdom, allow me to present some other, more volatile roles that Mark Wahlberg could play:
There’s been lots of speculation about who will play the Caped Crusader in the forthcoming sequel to Man of Steel. Some of the big names put forward (Josh Brolin ,Joseph Gordon-Levitt) just don’t fit. This is the reason why: the producers need to go back to basics. As Christian Bale knows from studying the original comics, Batman raison d’etre is to look permanently moody and have a very gruff voice. Well, the answer to who should act in the new movie has been staring us in the face all along: it’s Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg’s gruff. Mark Wahlberg can play someone moody. Batman is quite similar to Iron Man, too – the gadgets, the suits, the money – it’s perfect. Yes, the producers would have to offer Mark a lot more money for the role as he had his heart set on Iron Man but it’s worth it to watch Mark Wahlberg pull off scenes like this…
...on a massive cinema screen with chilling dolby surround.
Now, some would say it’s a little late to be offering Mark the role of the new Doctor as Peter Capaldi has already been cast and contracts have been signed … but you’re all just naysayers! There’s still time for showrunner Steven Moffett to change his mind. Some may say that the Doctor isn’t necessarily a superhero and Mark Wahlberg would turn the role down, but that just isn’t true. If you look at all the gadgets the Doctor’s packing, Mark could be convinced that he would be playing a British Iron Man. It would also be a perfect chance for Mark Wahlberg to try out all his ‘British’ accents – English, Scottish, Irish, Welsh, Cockney, Scouse, Geordie – switching from one to the other flawlessly in each forty-five minute show? Perfection!
The Freddie Mercury biopic has been in production for some time now and there has been no end in sight – until now. Sacha Baron Cohen quit over “creative differences” and this just leaves the door wide open for Mark Wahlberg to strut through. Who better than a rapper to play a singer? Who better than the acclaimed star of Boogie Nights to give Freddie Mercury the sweet, 90s dance moves he’s been missing. Some might say it’s unrealistic but there’s not a film in the world that couldn’t be improved by 90s dance moves (see: Citizen Kane Remastered: Electric Boogaloo).
Let me make this clear: Mark Wahlberg will not be called on to play Iron Man in the coming Avengers film. Mark will be cast as the entire Avengers team. All of them. This’d be perfect because he wouldn’t be stepping on Robert Downey Jr’s toes – he’d be doing a homage to Alec Guiness’ Kind Hearts and Coronets for the Millennium generation. There are rumours of studio executives wanting to get rid of some of the Avengers cast to keep down costs but, frankly, it’s not wise to skimp on your actors. Mark will be fully paid and the costs will have to be taken from the special effects budget. This action movie wouldn’t need gimmicks like explosions and CGI due to such a high level of acting certain to come from Wahlberg. The chance to see Mark Wahlberg playing not only Iron Man but Captain America, the Incredible Hulk and – more importantly - Black Widow, would be too important to turn down. What more could you ask for? It’s sure to be a hit with Avengers fans.
This could totally work. Men used to play women all the time in the 1500s, so why should it be any different here? Mark Wahlberg recently said he wanted to play a real person and Hillary Clinton is as real as the next politician. Sure, you might have some pedants quibbling over things like “accuracy” and “realism” but people are always afraid of innovation. Anything different would be sexist.
These are just some of the less controversial roles that Mark Wahlberg could be going for in the future. Let’s hope some studio executive out there is reading this and decides to cast him for one of them. No need to thank me, of course, just doing my duty.
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